The Cunning Cobbler

[Mood Indigo '08 was a rocking affair, but what made it even more special for me was my winning 'Twas Brillig, the creative writing contest! Contestants were required to broadly interpret and write on the topic 'Ho ho ho!' (given on the spot). Entries were to have 55 words or less. Here's the prize-bagging entry:-]

A frail ol' fella,
Sitting under his leaking roof,
Mended my leaking umbrella-
And made it leakproof.

"It's good as new,"
Said I, digging out two rupees;
"How much do I owe you,
My man, as your fees??"

At this grinned the cobbler:
"Two rupees won't do.
A 'new' umbrella, sir,
Costs hundred times two..!"

Unrequited, is Un-required.

[What do you do if you like the girlfriend of a guy you dislike? You feel jealous of him, you lament over your luck, and you think she certainly deserves better, right? Wrong! It is you who deserves someone better than her. Here’s why..]

Pray tell me what it is,
In him, that you see?
What quality does he have,
That you will not find in me?

What should I do,
So you would put me above him?
For I’m still confused
As to why you love him:

Is it because he is sickly fair,
And I’m not?
For others, he is without a care,
And I’m not?
Is it because he lavishly spends,
And I don’t?
He hesitates, a helping hand to lend,
And I don’t?
Is it because he fails in studies,
And I don’t?
Or because he gets drunk in parties,
And I don’t?
Or is it because he smokes,
And I don’t?
He cracks filthy jokes,
And I don’t?

Is it because he is rude to elders,
And I’m not?
To working hard, he is averse,
And I’m not?
Too highly, of himself, he thinks,
And I don’t?
In everyone’s character, finds kinks,
And I don’t?
Is it because, the truth, he twists,
And I don’t?
For trivial matters, gets down to fists,
And I don’t?
He keeps bad company,
And I don’t?
Is it because he has vices so many,
And I don’t?

I’m still confused,
As to why you love him;
Why you succumb,
To his every whim?

When I slowly begin
To realize:
You like the qualities
That most despise.

And now- after having
Your preference understood,
I no longer feel sad,
But in fact, feel good

That you are with him,
Rather than with me;
For I do not have those vices;
With me, you would be unhappy.
So I just sit back,
And let things be.

Infant Innocence

[The first in a series of nonsensical rhymes, this was written in a particularly boring double lecture, with a little help from my dear friend Noel. Just how bored we were is for everyone to see.!]

The Grizzly Bear is huge and wild,
He hath devoured the infant child;

The infant child is not aware-
She has been eaten by the bear.

Yet, the child is playful and gay,
All she wondered was how night came from day.

In the bear’s stomach, a fluid oozes,
And covers the child in digestive juices;

So, deep inside the Grizzly’s tummy,
The girl started screaming for her mummy.

Through his food-pipe, echoed her voice;
The ground rumbled with the ensuing noise.

This sound fell on the ears of a hunter,
Who picked up his rifle, and came with a canter.

Yards away, he loaded his gun,
And pulled the trigger, ending the bear’s fun.

The bullet fled like a speeding dart,
And settled in the poor bear’s heart.

It had nearly missed the infant’s head,
But struck the mighty Grizzly dead.

The hunter, the Grizzly’s stomach slit,
And was shocked to find his daughter in it!

She was covered from head to toe in slime,
He had, it seemed, reached just in time.

The hunter tied the Grizzly well,
And dragged him along to where he dwelt.

His wife, on seeing this deadly sight,
Screamed and almost died in fright;

It wasn’t the vision of the gruesome bear,
But of her goo-some daughter that gave her the scare!

She gave her child a bubble bath,
Her husband cooked a bubbling broth.

And so, the hunter, wife and daughter,
Had bear and beer for that day’s supper.

The infant child is meek and mild,
And now, she hath eaten the Grizzly wild;

The Grizzly Bear is unaware-

He has become the infant’s fare.

The Gift

[What does it take to make our ministers sit up and pull up their socks? Isn’t it high time our mantris took some punitive as well as preventive action against terrorism?? If this incident doesn’t make our politicians take charge of the situation, nothing will.]

The Home Minister of India came home that evening,
And remembered on seeing his daughter:
That next day, the young girl would be turning
Ten; yet he hadn’t bought any gifts for her.

The girl was on the couch- watching TV;
The minister sat himself down too.
“Tomorrow’s your birthday,” he said, “So tell me,
What gift would you like me to get you?

Speak your heart out, ask of me anything,
I can give you diamond mines- forget mere earrings;
You know I’m a minister of this country,
There’s nothing which is out of my capacity.”

And while this was being said, the little girl
Never once took her eyes off the screen;
The girl was watching a news channel,
And was appalled by what she had just seen:

Everywhere in the country, there was wanton bloodshed,
Scenes of brutal violence were being shown;
The public, sick of terror, and full of hatred
For the minister, wanted him to be overthrown.

And as another building billowed up in smoke,
The minister’s daughter finally spoke:
“Rid your nation of terror, restore tranquility-
If not for your people, at least do it for me.

“Daddy, if you give me this gift for my birthday,
I should like it more than any diamond.”
And saying this, the girl simply walked away,
Leaving her minister-father stunned.

Her words, though spoken with sheer innocence,
Were more powerful than nuclear fission;
And the only sound that broke the silence,
Was of gunshots from the television…

[The Gift was published and displayed at Kala Ghoda by the Times Group as part of a tribute to 26/11 terror victims.]